Devastated

Its been nearly a year since i blog, its like a child being abandoned by their parents due to financial problem either being irresponsible as the child was a huge & heavy rocks carries on them(beban). Luckily my blog doesn't need to be feed to survived.

I've been really busy due to working and studies. Also there are many trouble and bad things happened around me and my beloved family and friends. Even thought am not busy for sometimes, i guess i had lost my motivation on blogging about my life. I just prefer keeping everything myself. Although i got shared part of it but most of it i already knew that nobody can help. So i just have to suck it all up and find the solution myself. One of my college mate, who is ruby did helped me out a lot when i was facing a troubles which i cant believed it did happened on me. Since that trouble, i'd learn a huge lesson from it. "Don't judge the book by it cover". Its was hard for me to believe in someone now. Anyway am sincerely would like to thank you, ruby for willing and offering to helped during the trouble i faced on July and currently. Friends do formed an important roles in part of our life, do appreciate them now. Even thought in future, we might lost them as friend due to lack of keeping contact with each other. But do appreciate and have great moment with them. As the memories will always be remember. And also i wanted to thanks ben, although you cant help me out but your are the one who being there to supporting and comforting me when im sad.

Its 5.20am now, i still cant sleep. Am full with sadness and hopeless in my thought. My mom are soon to be hospitalize in few more hours due to breast cancer. She gonna have surgery operation on the next day, Thursday. I felt so sad i cant be there for her due to working and class in the same day. What i can do is to take care the home and at least i still can afford to paid part of mom's medical expenses.

I has just found out the person i always deeply in love with, are having a new relationship. I knew its gonna be tough for me to let go the past. I was still waiting for him to come back from uk. But i knew things aren't turn out the way you always want them to be. But am glad that he found someone he loved and the girl who loved him too. At least shes gonna be way better than me, as i always bullied him. Wishing them all the best in life and everlasting love. Makes me thought of the "Move Along" song sang by All American Rejects:

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
could be a night when your life ends
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
all the pain held in your
hands are shaking cold
your hands are mine to hold
speak to me

when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like i know ya do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
MOVE ALONG

Sometimes i felt the dullness dissolving in my life till caused me having the thought of committing suicide. After i've disappear, pains in my life will gone as well with me. But in another way of thinking it, the pains did not gone as i gone. It will just gain more pain and miserable to my family and friends. I cant be so irresponsible and selfish. I have to stay positive as no matter how difficult and sadden life is. I'd have to keep holding on. As i hope i will be able to give them a better life in the future. I've found that am in love with my current job and it was also my longest working period in the same company. Providing knowledge and teaching them how to solve the question makes my life meaningful.
Thats all for now, goodmorning world.