Memories

I've been kept thinking about him a lot this lately. Those days which were sweets, sour, bitter and spicies's life we've been together, but we didn't hold on to make it through due to a lot misunderstood of circumstances. Maybe our faith on each other were not strong enough, maybe we just aren't meant to be, maybe after breaking up which is best for both of us. There are many possibilities of maybe, who knows right? Finding true friends was hard, finding a right true love of your life was even hard. Which he is could be your partner of life, holding you up when you fall, supporting and believing you in achieving the goals of life. Building trust between each other was the most important thing in life. Which faith has the power and abilities to leads two person to hold  and stay on through many level of life no matter how challenging or difficult it is. I've been seeing many of couple, even thought they don't love each other anymore but they're pretending nothing happened and kept holding on to save the married just for the sake of the perfect family life for the children. The part of fragility in married makes me lost the faith on believing it. Married was just a part of life, it was not an compulsory rules that every human being has to been through the process. Without it doesn't make your life equal to imperfection. For me, life are about keep learning, sharing and contribute what is best for the society. Building a better future for the generation and  gives out your love who are really needed. I'd really hope i can make it real in life and do the best i could. 
History will always be history, whats left for me now was just the memories of us. I've to learn to forgive and let go. And hoping that time will heals my broken heart. 

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift.

Its late now, will be stop right here. 
goodnight everyone.

Magic Crystal STONE

Its middle in the late night currently, and still am awake instead having bed time like others. Lol. I felt bored while i was doing homework for my work which is my work's homework. =,=
So i stared at the stone light and then makes me thought of the magic crystal ball. Which we saw it on tv wheres western people(caucasian) likes to use it to predict the coming future.

I just went to google about the "magic crystal ball" then i clicked on any of the link to checked it out. I typed my question, and the results was just some pictures appeared in the ball(dun be so dirty minded) XD
A baby head appeared in it for answer of my question, kinda freak me out man, the babies appearance was horrified. This is the link "magic crystal ball" . As what stated there, The all-knowing crystal ball. You must interpret what you see! Interpret for what i seen?!? I don't wanna think too much about for what i asked. Because i knew it just wouldn't happen.

Okay, cut the crap. Em.. so i went to switched off the light and snap a picture by pretending the stone light was a magic crystal ball..

This is how the stone light looks like after switching back the room light. Anyway, sorry about the poor quality of the picture, was taken through the webcam. hehe

A clearer picture of the stone light
Thats all for now, signing off~
nitezz peeps =)

Stop crying your heart out

continue from the previous post...
During Friday, i planned to stay at hospital to accompany and take care of my mom. Since after the surgery, i knew it would be difficult for her to move around. But then she kept telling us she will be fine without us, asking us to go home and rest. Around 11pm, khang wei came to fetched us home. On the way home that time, Khang wei asked me to help him to do some of his work which is filling up part of detailed from the printed brochure to be send out in the morning. The brochure are like an advertised of eumora product, asking people to participate a function to hear a speech. So we headed to mcd instead going home. We went home around 3 after completing 500+ of brochures. It was my pleasure helping him, since he gonna be my future sis in law soon. Wishing they both, khang wei and my sis will be having great married life in future, with all my bless for them.

It was kinda sad, less than 24hrs my mom are forced to come back the next day after the surgery. At 1st the nurse told my mom that her immune system are very weak after the surgery, and she'll be infected by bacteria and diseases flow from others cancer patients. It was not nice when the others patient heard the conversation. Then the doctor said its because the hospital are not enough bed for the coming patient. Sigh..
Currently my mom staying at home. She have to carry 2 bottle filled with dirty blood connected to the body with her along everything she walk to a place from another place. She looked so distressing and sorrow with the burden of carrying the 2 bottle everywhere. Also like living life in torture and starvation by vomiting every single hrs..


Thats all for now, have to rest earlier. Tomorrow gonna accompany my mom to hospital in the morning and then have to work and classes. Anyway, a song i heard from a movie, "made of honnor" which is "stop crying your heart out" sang by Oasis. I've been watching this movie few times, everything i watch it gives me a different feels. Never gives up and regret for things you never try to do.

Hold up, hold up
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile
(May your smile)
Shine on
(Shine on)
Don't be scared
(Don't be scared)
Your destiny will keep you on

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up
(Get up)
Come on
(Come up)
Why you scared?
(I'm not scared)
You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars, we're fadin' away
Just try not to worry, you'll see us some day
And stop crying your heart out

Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

22 / 10 / 2009

Oh gosh, i just got back from McD located at Tmn Tun Hussein Onn. I was helping Khang Wei to filled up the details in the brochure so that he can send out in time.

I've been spending almost the whole day in the hospital. I thought i wont be free to visit my mom due to work and studies crashed on the same. Somehow the centre which is my CO had to closed down due to the disruption of electrical supply. About the electric disruption has been informed few days ago in the newspaper. Almost the whole areas of cheras will be affected but then damai was not listed down in the newspaper. Then i thought things will be as usual. My boss msg me so sudden on wednesday afternoon which i was sleeping. Im not a pig k, as in previous post i said that i cant sleep at all. With all the worries and frustration makes my adrenaline pump so hard =( I stayed awake till morning, follow them along when i saw my mom was going to hospital with dad.Thats why i been sleeping for the whole afternoon after the hospital thing. I thought i was dreaming and doubted when i saw the msg, then i double check the msg again after having the 6hrs sleep. Its true but replacement on Friday which few hrs later from now. =S

Okay.. lets back to the main topic. Since am not working but just classes, then i thought i can pay a visit to hospital to take care my mom. I was planned to visit her at the morning with my sis. But then you know what, it didn't happened. Because I slept at 7 in the morning =( I cant sleep again maybe having too much thought in my stupid brain. Then i kept doing the maths work so that my brain got no time to dream =/ Woke up at 12 and get prepared to get out. Took the bus to kota raya so that we can switch to another buses to get to PPUM. We bought some foods 1st at the kota raya there. Got vegetarian rice, tuna and egg sandwich, fruits, etc etc... When we reached the PPUM was around 3/4 in the afternoon. We see noboody there on the bed when we reached the room. A patient slept at the RHS aka "poh poh"( grandmother) in room told us my mom went to operation on 11 morning. I was SHOCKed. SHOCK!! Seriously am real shock. My mom called my yesterday telling me that she gonna be the last 6/7 patient on operation. The operation are possible to be taken on night either next day's morning if only that time was too late. We were damn hungry that time, rushed out without taking any meals excepted my sis == So we headed out to the nearby kfc restaurant to eat instead eating in the hospital. Coz my sis kept complained how bad the foods are tasted in hospital. Tasted like hospital taste. LOL if u been there before, i bet you would know. Then back at 5.30++, kinda far from um to kfc. Went to the room and check whether my mom are back yet. But still we seen nobody. We were kinda worried coz its been quite some times. Poh Poh suggested us to asked the nurse, then we headed down to operation floor to checked. Actually my sis damn experience in hospital coz khang wei's mom oso having breast cancer operation few mths back. We sat on the chair and waited for the time which allowed us to enter the room which all the unconscious patient stayed there after the operation. Waited quite some times again, so we went in. But my mom were not there, was kinda frustrated and sad. Its like impossible that the operation could be taken place for so god damn long period of time.... =/ Then we asked the nurse, she told us breast cancer operation period takes longer compared to others type of cancer if the operation did not goes well, it might need to be reconsult. Sigh... so damn emo after heard from the nurse. Seeing others patient being unconsciously on the bed to the operation are making situation even emo. Imaging my mom in the same situation. Go in never come out. =( choi choi choi....

A while later my dad called me that mom had sent back to the room. So we went back there to see her. When we saw mom that time, she was lying on the bed deadly kind of post. We thought that she was still unconscious then we sat there quietly to wait for her to be awake. She response when she heard poh poh called her, we were "zha dou kau kau"(being exploded enoughly). =.= Then we asked her to eat, she told us that she got no appetite due to the strong effect on drugs given before/on operation. She gave us see her LHS breast had been cut and thrown away. And with 2 small rubber tube are connected in the body at the part of the breast to another plastic cup to thrown the dirty blood away.
I skipped my class to take care of her and we had to ate up all the foods we bought from kota raya coz if not the foods are going to be spoiled then wasted and have to be throw away.

At night, my sis kept convinced my mom to eat something since its been more than 24hrs didnt eat anything at all. Then she drank the chocolate drink, later soon she kept vomited everything just went into the stomach. =( My mom still can joke somemore, said that khang wei's mom and herself are 同病相连 ( having same type of sickness together). Then she told us to check our breast as well occasionally. Then i replied just cut all breast away now so that in the future would be that much troublesome. Somemore am planned not to get marry, so it wont be use in the future. I wanna be the future " lou ku poh" (single old lady) hahahahaha...... Being human as 不男不女.

Gonna continue some others day, its late now.. =S
Nite world..

Devastated

Its been nearly a year since i blog, its like a child being abandoned by their parents due to financial problem either being irresponsible as the child was a huge & heavy rocks carries on them(beban). Luckily my blog doesn't need to be feed to survived.

I've been really busy due to working and studies. Also there are many trouble and bad things happened around me and my beloved family and friends. Even thought am not busy for sometimes, i guess i had lost my motivation on blogging about my life. I just prefer keeping everything myself. Although i got shared part of it but most of it i already knew that nobody can help. So i just have to suck it all up and find the solution myself. One of my college mate, who is ruby did helped me out a lot when i was facing a troubles which i cant believed it did happened on me. Since that trouble, i'd learn a huge lesson from it. "Don't judge the book by it cover". Its was hard for me to believe in someone now. Anyway am sincerely would like to thank you, ruby for willing and offering to helped during the trouble i faced on July and currently. Friends do formed an important roles in part of our life, do appreciate them now. Even thought in future, we might lost them as friend due to lack of keeping contact with each other. But do appreciate and have great moment with them. As the memories will always be remember. And also i wanted to thanks ben, although you cant help me out but your are the one who being there to supporting and comforting me when im sad.

Its 5.20am now, i still cant sleep. Am full with sadness and hopeless in my thought. My mom are soon to be hospitalize in few more hours due to breast cancer. She gonna have surgery operation on the next day, Thursday. I felt so sad i cant be there for her due to working and class in the same day. What i can do is to take care the home and at least i still can afford to paid part of mom's medical expenses.

I has just found out the person i always deeply in love with, are having a new relationship. I knew its gonna be tough for me to let go the past. I was still waiting for him to come back from uk. But i knew things aren't turn out the way you always want them to be. But am glad that he found someone he loved and the girl who loved him too. At least shes gonna be way better than me, as i always bullied him. Wishing them all the best in life and everlasting love. Makes me thought of the "Move Along" song sang by All American Rejects:

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
could be a night when your life ends
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
all the pain held in your
hands are shaking cold
your hands are mine to hold
speak to me

when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like i know ya do
and even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
MOVE ALONG

Sometimes i felt the dullness dissolving in my life till caused me having the thought of committing suicide. After i've disappear, pains in my life will gone as well with me. But in another way of thinking it, the pains did not gone as i gone. It will just gain more pain and miserable to my family and friends. I cant be so irresponsible and selfish. I have to stay positive as no matter how difficult and sadden life is. I'd have to keep holding on. As i hope i will be able to give them a better life in the future. I've found that am in love with my current job and it was also my longest working period in the same company. Providing knowledge and teaching them how to solve the question makes my life meaningful.
Thats all for now, goodmorning world.